Im sorry & I taste of after-coffee

Much apologies for being AFK from blogging. Chinese New Year, dinner, drunken stupor, bombs, late nights online but not blogging, mental blockade, and the list goes on. Hopefully the regularly scheduled nonsense of bandwidth wastage continues. Heh.

In short, still freelancing, which is a nice way for me to say that yes, I have no jobs, yet. And what on earth am I doing at 4 in the morning? Other than blogging for the first time in a long time of course, is.... actually trying to think of what to say but then, I think the caffeine and the sugar is wearing off now and I just got off Guild Wars some 15 minutes ago.

In tech news, using the human anatomy as a metaphor, Ancient is now a bunch of mush internals. Took out his/her/it skeletal body a.k.a chasis for cutting. Hasn't gotten skin yet. Will get to it soon enough. And there's a new member to the family, curtesy from the downsizing of my previous company. Haven't got a name for it yet, maybe Blackie, since he's/she's/it's got a black colour. Don't know if Im gonna do another mod on that yet but one things for sure, Im gonna spend cash on getting it a new motherboard and new memory to overclock. Yes, every machine that comes to my possession gets pushed to its limit.

In social news, meh. Just hanging out in my usual circle of friends. Chatter and banter. Lots of ice lemon tea and coffee. Lots of laughter and talks(rubbish, nonsense, serious, heart-pouring, discussion, etc.)

What else? Hmm, mum suddenly of all things, talks about this orange throwing thing. Not that I don't know what it means but yeah, of all things to talk about. For those who dont know, it's a belief(i think that's teh word for it) that on Chap Goh Meh (15th night, direct translation) that guys and girls will go to a river and make a wish to find 'the one' and throw that orange into the river. Supposedly, you'll get that person you're looking for as your boy/girl friend/lover/life partner/husband-wife.

Mum, I'm 25, 26 by Chinese calendar and yeah, you don't have to press it to me.

Speaking of which, what kind of a girl I would look for? Not until it was brought up in a conversation, that never really came to mind. Hmm... She'd be witty, as in how i dont know, i guess if you can crack light jokes on the fly i guess that's witty. Smart, definitely not ditzy, blunt, as in if i messed up or piss you off you'd tell it to my face honestly. A person who doesn't kick herself for no reason or when she messed up. Knows how to look good without even trying, yeah yeah so I'm superficial, so? Will not drag me to the dance floor or i'd die of shame and a heart failure from shock. Will not drag me to karaoke places because I have no idea why but i just have this fear of hearing bad voices! Not the intentionally bad singing, but singing badly even though you tried your best but you still suck kind. No offense to anyone but that's just me. And you WANT to spend time to know me and be with me.

I just remembered some time ago I did a meme about the kind of person/lover I am. What I remembered is that I fall in easily, I fall out slowly. Kinda translates to I fall for someone easily, but when it's over, it'll take a long time for me to get over it. I find it hard to swallow, but yeah, it's true. For friends who know me, they can verify that.

That's the thing about the end of a relationship. How do you move on? You know it's gonna be hell for as short as a few days to as long as years and when you think you're over and done with the mourning, the memories don't leave. Ever. And you catch yourself thinking about it or reminising about it, and you feel the sting. I dont know about any of you guys feeling like that because I'm just talking about myself here so yeah, it's never really over isn't it? I mean, not at least until you start anew. Which then comes this, you're in a new relationship, it's going real well, but then, those old memories do come back, well in my head anyway, and even though you're in one, the hurt is still there but now it's managable. The point is, its still there, that pain. If I've lost you in this stream of blabber, don't worry, Im not making much sense myself either.
And yes, I know someone better will come along and yes it will go away and so why am I talking about it still? Because I'm feeling it! And what better way than to rant it off for the whole world to read but practically wont even realise my presence in the sea of zero's and one's.

And does age matter? No, not really. Will I date a younger chick as in under 18? Heck no, too young la. Will I mind if the chick I'm dating is older than my by 2 or 5 years? Not so much. Will racial background be a matter? Not to me but I'm sure mum is gonna raise something if she ain't got Chinese bit in her blood. But I. DONT. Care. Will financial matters affect the realtionship? Why, she earn more money good la, extra splurge for herself and her girlfriends. Will I feel small for not being the breadwinner of the family? Not the least.

Waitaminute, I just had a dejavu. I think I may have written something VERY similiar to this before... Oh well. Enough rant. 4:45 a.m and I must pass out.

P/S: Just remembered and HAD to get it down. Life's a bitch. So? Make it YOUR bitch.