...........

i have no idea wat ot name this post.... personally, couldnt care less bout it....
jes read a friend's blog today (macdyne.blogspot.com) & it got me psychologically pulled back to the time when.....SHIT happened.
and sadly, it still is.... although not that intense but still often enough....
long hell drama cut short;
i had been slapped, whipped, pulled, screamed at, humilliated & GOD knows wat else...
in turn i had my own share of pain inflicting...
namely my younger bro.... but it's been 10+ years since i did that... he still annoys me... alot.
back to current matters;
i have made resolutions about the same time that i lost my old 20GB hard drive that nobody goes in or outta my room without me being in my room....
everytime i go out, to work, eat downstairs, watch tv, etc... i lock my room, my room key in my pocket & the spare in my room...
last week, my dad asked for the key & i replied him (in wat i called a soft-spoken manner) why would u want my room key?
at that point, i saw him getting fired up, n he was like explosively barking back at me bout something like losing my keys, forgettting to bring them with me & having to tear the door down again or some shit like that....
naturally, me having inheritted his bad temper & hard-head, i would yell back at him & we'd be exploding or endup exchanging sandwhiches...
but i didnt, i just answered him calmly(i am seriously trying FREAKING HARD not to bite his head off!!) that i wont be that forgetful to let something like that happen & if they ever need anything in my room, i'd be happy to get it myself or leave it outside my room...
my dad just said "aah!!! (some chinese words that i cant translate to english)"... & i left them.....
my mum, well, my relationship with her is better than me & my dad, but still not in the 'good' category....
personally, she still is a racist & that is why i dont invite my friends to my place during festivals....
and i think i annoy her too, cos im not a chinese, well at least not by paper... she says i'm 3/4 chinese, so u should say u're chinese wen ppl ask u...
wat the ****?!
times i've wondered if i was adopted....& thought of breaking all realtions with my family & wipe my ass off the face of this earth....
ah shit! now im fucking depressed....
anyways..................................
sorry if this post is alittle long in the tooth... i was busy downloading a huge archive of documentation so i can convert them back to pdf or sumthing...
and if i dont make sense in the next few paragraphs, it means im too hungry, tired, & cold to focus my thoughts...
probably that's y i have a 'cautious' outlook to the world. i mean if someone were to do ill harm to me, i'd be suing their asses for wat they're worth & i'm ok with that. but if someone were nice to me, i'd be extremely uncomfortable with that, i'd be thinking "wat the hell was that for?! wat do u want from me?!"
fuck im hungry...