First of Many to Come

Our Lady,
originally uploaded by keksilang.

I've been accepted into the Catholic church. And yes, I have taken my very first Holy Communion. It's strange really. I feel rather mixed. At peace because I want to be with God, but feeling depressed at the fact that my ex is there but we're no longer together. I'm happy but I'm still sad. I am so messed up, aren't I?

Ex was there because her mum is my sponsor, or in other words, my God-mother. At the end, we did talk and cleared up everything, i hope. I clarified that i never hated her, i was just so hurt and mad. And I am sorry for the things i said to her because she was mad at me for the things I've said before.

I tried with all my strength to concentrate on God but when you know that your ex is involved in it, it's hard. I wont deny it still hurts very bad, but all I can do now is ask God to show mercy on me should I deserve it and pray that I may find "her", or "she" may find me, whoever "she" is. Be it some one I knew or some one new.

I know this is a very joyous occasion and I am happy, up to a point. Yea, yea, I know. I trust God with my hurting heart He will heal me and take care of me. It's just that the pain is just so overwhelming. I pray that my faith will be strong always with God's help. And I have to let Him heal my heart. It is so painful now.